The Return of the Condor Heroes Chapter 9 – Part 2

Yang Guo thought quickly. We’ll have to slip out the back. Even if Hong Lingbo spots us, we don’t need to fear her. He said quietly, “Wifey, flee with me.” Lu Wushuang glared at him and rose to her feet, thinking that if they escaped this time, heaven itself must truly be looking out for her.

Just as the two turned around, a guest sitting at a square table in the eastern corner stood and approached them. “Let me draw the enemy away,” he said in a low voice. “Quick, find a way to escape.” This man had been sitting facing inward in the shadows. Neither Yang Guo nor Lu Wushuang had noticed his face. Even as he spoke, his face was turned away, and the words were barely out of his mouth before he was out the door, leaving them only a glimpse of his back. He was not tall, and wore a loose, wide gown of green cloth.

Yang Guo and Lu Wushuang had only exchanged a single glance when the sound of bells erupted, racing northward. Hong Lingbo called, “Shifu,¹ someone’s stealing a donkey!” A yellow blur flashed. Li Mochou shot out of the room and gave chase. Lu Wushuang said, “Go!” Yang Guo thought, Li Mochou’s qinggong is unrivalled, she’ll catch him in an instant and be back immediately. I can’t move fast enough carrying Lu Guniang. We still won’t escape. An idea struck him. He burst into the first room on the west side.

Shen Zhifan and Ji Qingxu were sitting on the edge of the kang,² their faces still pale with terror. There was not a moment to lose. Yang Guo gave them no chance to rise or question him, he lunged forward, his fingers darting out in quick succession, sealing the acupoints of both men. “Wifey, come in,” he called. Lu Wushuang entered. Yang Guo shut the door. “Quick, take off your clothes!”

Lu Wushuang flushed red. “Fool!” she spat. “What nonsense are you talking?”

“Take them off or don’t, up to you,” said Yang Guo. “I’m taking mine off.” He stripped off his outer garments, then pulled off Shen Zhifan’s Daoist robe and put it on, topping it with Shen Zhifan’s Daoist cap. Lu Wushuang understood at once. “Good, we’ll disguise ourselves as Daoists to fool my shifu.” She reached to undo her buttons, then blushed again. She kicked Ji Qingxu. “Close your eyes, you dead Daoist!” Ji Qingxu and Shen Zhifan could not move their limbs, but their senses still worked. They immediately shut their eyes, who would dare look at her?

Lu Wushuang added, “Fool, turn around. Don’t watch me change.” Yang Guo laughed. “What’s there to be afraid of? When I set your bone, didn’t I see everything already?” The moment these words left his mouth, he felt they had been far too flippant and brazen, and could not help looking somewhat embarrassed. Lu Wushuang’s fine brows drew together, and she struck him with a backhand slap.

All Yang Guo had to do was tilt his head and he would have evaded it easily, but in that moment he was utterly distracted, standing there in a daze. Pa! The blow landed solidly on his left cheek. Lu Wushuang had never imagined the slap would actually connect, and so heavily at that. Feeling a pang of guilt, she laughed and said, “Fool, did it hurt? That’s what you get for talking nonsense.”

Yang Guo rubbed his cheek, smiled, and turned around. Lu Wushuang changed into the Daoist robe and laughed. “Look! Do I look like a little Daoist priest?” Yang Guo said, “I can’t see, so I wouldn’t know.” Lu Wushuang said, “Turn around, then.” Yang Guo turned back. The robe hung loose and billowing on her, making her slender frame appear even more delicate. He was about to speak when Lu Wushuang suddenly gave a low cry, pointing at the kang. From under the bedding a Daoist’s head had emerged, it was Pi Qingxuan, the very man whose three fingers she had cut off in Jackal-Wolf Valley. He had been lying there on the kang recovering from his wounds the whole time, and when Lu Wushuang entered the room, he had immediately pulled his head under the covers. Yang Guo and Lu Wushuang had been so busy changing clothes that they had not noticed him at all. “He… he…” Lu Wushuang stammered, wanting to say “he watched me change” but finding it too awkward to speak.

At that moment, the painted-donkey bells rang out again. Yang Guo had heard them several times by now and knew that Li Mochou had recovered her donkey. When the man in green had ridden it away, the bells had been chaotic and disordered, when Li Mochou rode, though the donkey ran fast, the bells rang with a measured, rhythmic cadence. In a flash of decision, Yang Guo seized Pi Qingxuan, sealed his acupoints, lifted the kang door, and stuffed him into the space beneath the bed-platform. In the northern winters, fires were burned beneath the kang for warmth, but the weather was still warm and no fire was needed, yet the space was full of soot and charcoal ash. Pi Qingxuan, shoved inside, was instantly covered from head to toe in black grime.

The bells abruptly stopped. Li Mochou was back at the inn entrance. Yang Guo said to Lu Wushuang, “Get on the kang and sleep.” Lu Wushuang frowned. “A stinking Daoist slept there. It’s filthy, how can I sleep in that?” Yang Guo said, “Suit yourself.” Even as he spoke, he stuffed Shen Zhifan under the kang as well, then casually released Ji Qingxu’s acupoints. Though Lu Wushuang found the bedding disgusting, the thought of her shifu’s ruthless methods made her climb onto the kang, facing the inner wall. She had barely settled when Li Mochou kicked open the door and came to search a second time. Yang Guo sat holding a teacup, his head lowered as if drinking tea, but his left hand was pressed against the fatal acupoint³ on Ji Qingxu’s back. Li Mochou saw that the room still held three Daoists, and Ji Qingxu’s face was the colour of death, his spirit utterly shattered. She smiled and moved on to search the next room. On her first visit she had carefully studied the three Daoists’ features, worried that Lu Wushuang might have disguised herself as one of them. On this second visit, she only glanced at Ji Qingxu and did not bother examining the other two closely.

That night, Li Mochou and Hong Lingbo, shifu and disciple, searched every corner of the town, stirring up such a racket that every household’s chickens and dogs were set to clamouring. But Yang Guo lay peacefully side by side with Lu Wushuang on the kang, catching the faint, warm fragrance of a young girl’s body and feeling utterly content. Lu Wushuang’s thoughts surged like a storm-tossed sea. She found Yang Guo impossibly strange, call him a fool, yet he seemed brilliant beyond measure. Call him brilliant, yet he was always acting crazy. She lay without daring to move a muscle, thinking, That fool is sure to reach out and embrace me. What will I do then? A long, long time passed, and Yang Guo showed not the slightest sign of movement. Instead, she felt a faint disappointment. She caught the strong masculine scent of him and found herself, against all reason, utterly spellbound. Only after a long while did she drift hazily into sleep.

---

When Yang Guo awoke, the sky was already bright. Ji Qingxu was slumped over the table in deep sleep. Lu Wushuang’s breathing was soft and delicate, her cheeks flushed pink, her thin red lips slightly upturned. Yang Guo felt his heart stir violently. If I kissed her lightly, just once, she would never know. A young man’s heart opening to love for the first time, at this moment, with the morning sun just rising, when desire burns at its fiercest, he remembered the beauty of her bosom when he set her bone, and could restrain himself no longer. He leaned over to kiss her lips. Before he had even touched her, he caught the sweetness of her breath, and a wave of heat surged through his chest. Then he saw her brows knit slightly, as though even in sleep she felt the pain of her broken bone. Seeing her like this, Yang Guo was suddenly reminded of Xiaolongnü⁴, of their conversations in the ancient tomb, when he had said, “Gugu,⁵ in this life and for all lives to come, I will love only you.” And Xiaolongnü had answered, “The same for me.” Cold sweat broke out all over his body. Pa! Pa! He struck himself twice across the face, hard, and leapt off the kang.

The sound woke Lu Wushuang. She opened her eyes and asked, “Fool, what are you doing?” Yang Guo, burning with shame, muttered vaguely, “Nothing. A mosquito bit my face.” Lu Wushuang remembered that they had slept together the entire night, and suddenly her face flushed deep red. She lowered her head and said softly, “Fool… fool…” Her voice was full of tenderness and something close to longing.

The two discussed what to do next when they suddenly heard the bells of Li Mochou’s painted donkey, heading northwest, she was going back along the road they had come, searching once more. No doubt she had realised that the Secret Manual of the Five Venoms⁶ had fallen into her renegade disciple’s hands, and every day it remained unrecovered meant another day of danger. She would not waste a moment, setting out at the first hint of dawn.

Yang Guo said, “She’ll go back looking for us, and when she doesn’t find us, she’ll come this way again. It’s a shame your injury can’t take the jolting, otherwise we could steal two fine horses and gallop a full day and night. How would she ever catch us then?” Lu Wushuang said crossly, “You don’t have any injuries. Why don’t you go steal a fine horse and gallop a day and night?” Yang Guo thought, This girl is so touchy, she gets angry at a casual remark. But because he enjoyed watching her angry expression, he deliberately provoked her further. “If you hadn’t begged me to escort you to Jiangnan,⁷ I’d have left long ago.” Lu Wushuang flared up. “Then go! Go! Fool, just looking at you makes me angry. I’d rather die on my own.” Yang Guo laughed. “Hey, I couldn’t bear it if you died.”

Fearing she might truly fly into a rage and jolt her broken bone, he left the room with a grin. He borrowed ink, brush, and an inkstone from the front counter, returned to the room, dissolved the ink in the washbasin, dipped both hands in it, and suddenly smeared it across Lu Wushuang’s face.

Lu Wushuang was caught off guard. She hurriedly pulled out a handkerchief to wipe it off, cursing without pause: “Stinking fool! Dead fool!” Then she saw Yang Guo scoop a great handful of coal ash from under the kang, mix it with water, and smear it over his own face. Instantly his face became bumpy and pitted, as though covered in boils. She understood at once: I’ve changed into a Daoist’s clothes, but my face is the same. If my shifu catches up, how could she fail to recognise me? So she spread the watered-down ink evenly over her own face. Girls by nature love beauty, and even while blackening her face, she still applied it as carefully as if putting on rouge and powder, smoothing and adjusting with meticulous care.

Once they had finished their disguises, Yang Guo reached under the kang with his foot and kicked open the two Daoists’ acupoints. Lu Wushuang watched him casually kick a few times without even looking, and immediately the two Daoists let out groans of pain. She felt a secret admiration: This fool’s martial arts are ten times better than mine. But she let none of her admiration show on her face, and still called him “Fool” as though she did not consider him worth noticing at all.

---

Yang Guo went to the marketplace to hire a large cart, but the town was too small and none was available. He could only buy two inferior horses. By this day, Lu Wushuang’s injury had healed somewhat. Each rode one of the horses as they slowly made their way southeast.

They had travelled for a little over one shichen⁸ when Yang Guo, worried she could not hold out, helped her dismount and sit on a stone by the roadside to rest. He recalled how that morning he had actually entertained improper thoughts toward Lu Wushuang. Improper thoughts about her were one thing, but to betray Gugu like that, he truly was a colossal bastard. Lost in bitter self-reproach, he was startled when Lu Wushuang suddenly said, “Fool, why won’t you talk to me?” Yang Guo smiled without answering. Then something struck him. “Oh no! I’m truly an idiot.”

“You’ve always been an idiot,” said Lu Wushuang.

“We changed our clothes and disguises, and those three Daoists saw everything. If they tell your shifu, won’t that be a disaster?”

Lu Wushuang pressed her lips together in a smile. “Those three stinking Daoists rode past on horseback long ago, they’re way ahead of us now. My shifu is still behind. You’ve been wandering in a daze, who knows what you’ve been thinking about. You didn’t even notice.”

Footnotes

1. 师父 – shīfù. Teacher responsible for technical instruction and moral guidance. Shī means teacher. Fù means father. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

2. 炕 – kàng. Traditional heated brick bed platform common in northern China, built with a flue system that channels heat from a cooking stove or fire underneath. ↩

3. 穴位 – xuéwèi. Acupoints in traditional Chinese medicine and martial arts. Striking or sealing specific acupoints can numb limbs, immobilise opponents, or cause internal injury. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

4. 小龙女 – Xiǎolóngnǚ. Literally little dragon maiden. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

5. Gugu (姑姑) — Literally “paternal aunt,” but used here as a term of respectful address for a young woman of the older generation. Yang Guo uses this to address Xiaolongnü, his shifu. ↩

6. 五毒秘传 – Wǔdú Mìchuán. Secret Manual of the Five Venoms, a handwritten compendium recording the preparation and antidotes for various poisons used by Li Mochou. ↩

7. 江南 – Jiāngnán. Prosperous region south of Yangtze River, continued from LOCH era. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

8. 时辰 – shíchen. Traditional Chinese double hour; one twelfth of a day, equal to two modern hours. ↩