The Return of the Condor Heroes Chapter 17 – Part 4

It was indeed Zhou Botong. Wanting to enter the valley and cause havoc, he had deliberately allowed the four disciples of the Passionless Valley to capture him in their fishing net. He had offered no resistance at the time. Only after entering the valley did he break free of the net and escape. He had hidden behind the mountain rocks, intent on turning the valley upside down, when he saw Yang Guo and his five companions arrive. That night, he had launched a sneak attack, sealed Xiaoxiangzi’s acupoints, carried him out of the stone hut, stripped off his clothes, and put them on himself. His qinggong was extraordinary. He came and went without a trace. Xiaoxiangzi had fallen victim in his sleep without knowing it, and even Guoshi and the others had noticed nothing. After changing clothes, Zhou Botong had returned to the stone hut, lain down beside Yang Guo, and casually stolen the scissors and mask from his pack. When everyone woke the next morning, no one had discovered a thing.

Xiaoxiangzi, his acupoints sealed, had urgently circulated his neili to break free. But Zhou Botong’s acupoint-sealing technique was masterful. Only after three shichen could his limbs move freely again. By then, he was wearing nothing but his undershirt and shorts. Enraged beyond measure, he had encountered a green-clad valley disciple passing by, knocked him down, and swapped into his clothes, shoes, and socks before hurrying to the great stone hall. There he saw a man wearing his own clothes locked in fierce combat with Fan Yiweng. Mad with fury, he attacked ferociously.

Zhou Botong, seeing Yang Guo come to seize the scissors, employed the Ambidextrous Self Combat technique.¹ His left palm thrust and withdrew, dealing with Yang Guo, while his right hand worked the scissors, snapping them open and shut, keeping Xiaoxiangzi from daring to draw near. When the great scissors opened fully, the gap between the blades was over two chi wide. If they clamped around a man’s neck and closed, the head would part from the body in an instant. Though Xiaoxiangzi raged, he dared not advance rashly.

Gongsun, the Valley Master, had already been secretly awed while watching Zhou Botong fight Fan Yiweng. Now, seeing him battle two opponents with both hands separately, as though one man had split into two, he thought of the Yin-Yang Dual Blades technique he himself had studied, which bore some slight resemblance but could never approach such a division of mind. And seeing Xiaoxiangzi’s iron-like claws and ruthless strikes, yet Yang Guo’s graceful bearing and elegant form, every gesture carrying an air of transcendent refinement, he mused, “Great is the world, and masters emerge in every generation. These two old men are formidable indeed, but this youth, though his power is shallow, moves with such exquisite elegance of body and fist.” He said in a clear voice, “Three masters, please hold.”

Yang Guo and Xiaoxiangzi leaped back simultaneously. Zhou Botong tore off the human-skin mask and hurled it, along with the scissors, toward Yang Guo. “I’ve had my fun. I’m off!” He pushed off with both feet and shot up toward the roof beam.

The valley disciples, seeing his true face revealed, erupted in commotion. Gongsun Lü’e cried, “Father, it is that old man!” Zhou Botong straddled the beam and roared with laughter. The beam was over three zhang above the floor. Many of those in the hall possessed excellent qinggong, but to leap up so lightly, each knew himself incapable. Fan Yiweng was the eldest disciple of the Passionless Valley, older even than the Valley Master. In the valley, aside from the Valley Master himself, his martial skill was the strongest. Humiliated repeatedly by Zhou Botong today, how could he not be enraged? Short in stature, he excelled at climbing. He leaped up and embraced a pillar, clambering upward like an ape. Zhou Botong loved nothing more than someone to play with. Seeing Fan Yiweng climbing up to join the fun, it suited him perfectly. Before Fan Yiweng could reach the beam, Zhou Botong extended a hand to help him.

Fan Yiweng had no idea his intentions were friendly. Seeing the right hand extended, he jabbed a finger straight at the “Great Mound” acupoint on the wrist.² The moment Zhou Botong felt the faint sensation on his wrist, he instantly sealed the acupoint and relaxed the muscle. Fan Yiweng’s finger sank in as though poking cotton. Hastily pulling back his hand, he found Zhou Botong’s palm flipping over to deliver a crisp slap to the back of his hand. “One basket of wheat, two baskets of wheat, big brother, little brother, pat the wheat!”³ Zhou Botong chanted. Enraged, Fan Yiweng shook his head and lashed his long beard toward Zhou Botong’s chest. Hearing the fierce wind of the attack, Zhou Botong braced his left foot and swung his body clear. His left hand gripped the crossbeam as he hung suspended in midair, swinging back and forth like a child on a swing.

Xiaoxiangzi knew full well Fan Yiweng was no match for him. Even if he joined in, victory was not assured. He turned to Nimoxing and Ma Guangzuo and said, “Brothers Ni and Ma, this old man holds the six of us in utter contempt. Truly, he bullies us beyond endurance.” Nimoxing had a fiery temper and could not bear provocation. Ma Guangzuo was slow of mind and could not distinguish right from wrong. Hearing “holds the six of us in utter contempt,” they took it as truth. Roaring together, they leaped toward the crossbeam to grab Zhou Botong’s feet. Zhou Botong kicked left and right at their grasping hands.

Xiaoxiangzi said coldly to Yin Kexi, “Brother Yin, do you truly mean to stand by with folded arms?” Yin Kexi smiled faintly. “Brother Xiaoxiang, please lead the way. This humble one would be honoured to follow in your wake.” Xiaoxiangzi gave a weird shriek that sent chills through the hall, then suddenly leaped. His knees did not bend, his entire body was rigid, his arms thrust straight forward. Truly like a reanimated corpse, he clawed at Zhou Botong’s abdomen.

Zhou Botong saw the twin claws descending and suddenly contracted his body, curling into a ball like a kitten. The left hand gripping the beam switched to the right. Xiaoxiangzi’s claws grasped empty air. Unable to stay aloft, he dropped to the ground. His entire body was like a stiff, straight log. He pushed off the floor with his toes and shot upward again. Fan Yiweng swept his beard horizontally along the beam, while Xiaoxiangzi, Nimoxing, and Ma Guangzuo rose and fell, fell and rose, leaping upward in continuous assault.

Yin Kexi laughed. “This old man is truly remarkable. I shall join the excitement as well.” He reached into his robes, and suddenly the hall blazed with the light of pearls and the gleam of gold. In his hand now was a soft whip, woven from gold and silver threads and studded with pearls, jade, and precious gems. Such a magnificent, luxurious weapon, surely the only one of its kind in the jianghu⁴. The golden-thread pearl whip flashed with iridescent light as it coiled toward Zhou Botong’s calf.

Yang Guo watched with delight and thought, “These five are each showing their divine skills to besiege Old Imp. If I don’t produce something extraordinary to win, I cannot claim to be capable.” An idea struck him. He put on the human-skin mask, gave a weird shriek in imitation of Xiaoxiangzi, picked up the steel staff Fan Yiweng had dropped, and used it to vault himself into the air. The staff was already over a zhang long. With this vault, he rose level with Zhou Botong. “Old Imp, watch the shears!” he shouted, aiming the great scissors at the white beard.

Zhou Botong was delighted. Tilting his head to avoid the scissors, he cried, “Young Brother, your method is most entertaining.” Yang Guo said, “Old Imp, I never offended you. Why did you play tricks on me?” Zhou Botong laughed. “Give and take, you haven’t lost a thing. In fact, you came out ahead.” Yang Guo was puzzled. “What do you mean, give and take?” Zhou Botong laughed. “You once shouted that you were my friend and told them to release me. So I took you as a friend.” He saw Yin Kexi’s golden-thread whip striking and reached to grab it. Yin Kexi’s soft whip curled back, intending to counter-strike his opponent’s back, but his body had already dropped. Zhou Botong said, “You dead red-banded snake,⁵ all gaudy and colourful, rather amusing.” By now, Fan Yiweng’s long beard was sweeping toward him. With both hands gripping the beam, Fan Yiweng relied entirely on his beard to attack.

Zhou Botong laughed. “So the big beard has this use too?” Imitating him, he flung his own chin beard forward. But his beard was far shorter than Fan Yiweng’s, and he had never trained it in martial techniques. The swing was utterly useless. With a snap, his opponent’s beard struck his cheek, raising red welts and a hot, stinging pain. Had his neili not been so profound, he would have fainted on the spot. Having suffered this setback, Old Imp was not angered but instead filled with admiration. “Long Beard,” he said, “my beard is no match for yours. I concede. We stop here. I’ll go train my beard technique and come back for another match.”

Fan Yiweng, having landed a successful blow, followed with another sweep of the beard. Zhou Botong dared not meet it with his own beard again. His left hand executed the “Void Clarity Fist” technique,⁶ throwing out an insubstantial punch. The fist wind pushed Fan Yiweng’s beard to the right, just as Ma Guangzuo leaped up to attack. The long beard brushed right across his face. Ma Guangzuo’s eyes were covered. With both hands, he seized the beard. Fan Yiweng’s beard had always been freely controlled, but driven off course by Zhou Botong’s fist wind, it had escaped his command and fallen into Ma Guangzuo’s grip. Startled, Fan Yiweng pulled hard to retrieve it, but Ma Guangzuo exerted brute force and held on tight. As his body dropped, he pulled downward with the momentum. With a thunderous crash, both men tumbled to the floor.

Ma Guangzuo, thick-skinned and thick-fleshed, felt little pain. Fan Yiweng, landing on top of him, raged, “What are you doing? Let go!” Though Ma Guangzuo’s fall had not hurt, having the dwarf’s feet brace against his belly was somewhat hard to bear. He roared, “I won’t let go! What are you going to do about it?” He twisted his wrist and wound the beard several turns around his arm. Fan Yiweng struck with a palm to the face. Ma Guangzuo tilted his head to dodge, but the palm was a feint. Fan Yiweng’s left fist slammed squarely into his nose. Ma Guangzuo bellowed and punched back. In terms of martial skill, Fan Yiweng was far superior, but with his beard tangled around his opponent’s arm, he could barely turn his head. This punch too landed on his cheekbone. Tall man and short man thrashed and pounded each other on the floor. Though Fan Yiweng was on top, he could not break free of the entanglement.

Jinlun Guoshi saw the hall in chaos. All five of his companions had struck, yet they still could not handle a single Old Imp. It was somewhat humiliating. With two ringing clangs, he drew from his robes a silver wheel and a bronze wheel. One wheel spun from left to right, the other from right to left, tracing twin arcs of light as they hurtled toward Zhou Botong. The wheels clanged sharply in midair, a terrifying sound. Both were forged of fine steel and were extremely heavy, merely plated with silver and bronze on the surface, differing only in colour.

Zhou Botong, not recognising the danger, said, “What are those things?” He reached out to grab them. Yang Guo, wanting to help him, shouted, “Don’t grab them!” He hurled the steel staff. With a deafening clang, the long, thick staff was knocked flying by the bronze wheel, crashing into the corner wall and sending stone chips and sparks flying. The bronze wheel spun back. Guoshi flicked it with his left hand, and the wheel hurtled back toward the beam, spinning rapidly.

Only now did Zhou Botong realise this monk was not to be trifled with. He thought, “Too many opponents. I can’t handle this.” He somersaulted to the floor and called, “Gentlemen, Old Imp takes his leave. We’ll play again tomorrow.” He dashed toward the hall entrance, only to see four men in green spreading a fishing net across the doorway. Zhou Botong knew the danger of this net and cried, “Not good!” He tried to leap through the eastern window, but a flash of green told him another net was descending.

Zhou Botong leaped back to the centre of the hall. East, south, west, north, four men in green stood at each side, nets spread to block his path. Zhou Botong vaulted back onto the beam and struck upward with a “Sky-Piercing Palm,” smashing a large hole in the roof. But as he tried to climb through, he looked up and saw another net spread above. With no way out, he flipped back to the floor and pointed at the Valley Master, laughing. “Yellow-faced old fellow, why are you keeping me here? Do you want me to stay and play with you?”

Gongsun, the Valley Master, said coolly, “If you simply return the four items you took, you shall be released from the valley at once.” Zhou Botong said in surprise, “Eh! What use would I have for your stinking things? Even if I trained my skills to your level, would they be worth coveting?” Gongsun, the Valley Master, walked slowly to the centre of the hall. His right sleeve brushed the dust from his clothes. His left sleeve brushed again. He said, “Were today not the great day of my wedding, I would have to exchange a few moves with you. You would do well to leave behind the valley’s possessions and depart in peace.”

Footnotes

1. 左右互搏 – Zuǒyòu Hùbó. Zhou Botong’s technique of fighting with each hand independently. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

2. 大陵穴 – Great Mound acupoint. Dàlíng xué. Pericardium-7 (PC7) in acupuncture, located at the wrist crease. Striking this acupoint can disable the hand and wrist. ↩

3. 拍大麦 – Pat the wheat. Pāi dàmài. Traditional Chinese children’s clapping game, similar to “pat-a-cake.” Zhou Botong’s recitation while slapping Fan Yiweng’s hand reflects his childlike, playful nature. ↩

4. 江湖 – jiānghú. Literally rivers and lakes. Itinerant world beyond settled society and official reach, holding not only martial artists but the trades that travel with them, including pedlars, physicians, fortune-tellers, entertainers, boatmen, beggars, outlaws and the like. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

5. 赤练蛇 – Red-banded snake. Chìliàn shé. Zhou Botong is mocking Yin Kexi’s colourful whip by comparing it to a red-banded snake, a venomous snake species. This is also a subtle reference to Li Mochou, whose nickname is “Scarlet Serpent” (赤练仙子). ↩

6. 空明拳 – Kōngmíng Quán. Zhou Botong’s signature fist technique, created during his fifteen years of solitary confinement on Peach Blossom Island. Style emphasizes emptiness and softness, redirecting force rather than meeting it directly. ↩