The Legend of the Condor Heroes Chapter 20 – Part 2

Hong Qigong sat on the yardarm, bawling out the Lotus Falls,¹ the song beggars sing for coppers, and looking very pleased with himself. Inwardly he was sorely worried. He thought, How long can we hide up on this mast? Even if Old Venom doesn’t chop it down, we can’t come down so long as his snakes stay where they are. He and his nephew down there drink and sleep, and the two of us up here drink the wind and piss! That’s it! The moment he thought of pissing he undid his trousers and let fly straight down, shouting, “Jing-er, piss on the whoreson and give him a good long drink.” Guo Jing still had a child’s nature, and this was just to his taste. He joined his shifu² in bellowing, “Help yourself, help yourself!” and shifu and disciple pissed down together.

Ouyang Feng leapt several paces away, too quick on his feet for the two streams to reach him. Ouyang Ke stood startled for an instant, and in that instant a few drops splashed on his face and neck. He prized cleanliness above all else and flew into a towering rage. Hong Qigong drew out his huozhezi³ and struck a light, tore a strip of canvas from the sail and set it alight, then flung the ball of flame down. Ouyang Ke shouted, “Pull the snakes back, quick!” The wooden flutes piped and the snakes slowly withdrew, but dozens of vipers at the foot of the mast had already been caught by the fire. Venomous as they were, these vipers were terrified of fire by nature, and in their pain they writhed and rolled and bit one another, and the snake-herders could not hold them.

Seeing them all in such disarray, Hong Qigong and Guo Jing roared with laughter. Guo Jing thought, If Big Brother Zhou were here, he’d be even more delighted. Ah! For all his peerless martial arts, he met his death in the sea. Island Master Huang⁴ and Old Venom are so skilled, and yet Big Brother Zhou’s piss could land on both their heads, while Shifu and I can’t even get ours on Old Venom.

Two shichen⁵ passed and the sky turned fully dark. Ouyang Feng ordered everyone on board to sit on the deck, drinking and making merry, and gust after gust of wine fumes and the smell of meat came drifting up. This masterstroke of Ouyang Feng’s was deadly indeed. Hong Qigong was the greediest of gluttons, and how could he bear it? In no time he had drunk every drop of wine in the gourd on his back. That night the two kept watch by turns. On the deck below, dozens of men with lanterns and torches kept the snakes in a tight ring round the mast, and there was no opening to be had. The huozhezi Hong Qigong carried had burned out too. He cursed Ouyang Feng’s ancestors to the eighteenth generation, making up countless scandals out of thin air and spicing them up as he went, and the abuse was uncommonly venomous. But Ouyang Feng stayed in the cabin and never came out. In the end Hong Qigong ran out of new insults, his lips and tongue grew tired, and he closed his eyes and slept.

Early next morning Ouyang Feng sent men to shout up from the foot of the mast, “Guild Chief⁶ Hong, young Master Guo, Master Ouyang has had a fine banquet prepared. Please come down and drink.” Hong Qigong shouted back, “Tell Ouyang Feng to come here, and we’ll treat him to some piss.” Before long, a banquet table was set up below the mast, the dishes steaming hot. Two chairs had been set beside it, as though waiting just for Hong Qigong and Guo Jing to come down and eat. Several times Hong Qigong was minded to slip down the mast and grab it, but the wine and food were sure to be poisoned, and he had to master himself. With nothing else for it, he let fly another volley of “whoreson” and “dog of a knave”.

By the third day the two were hungry and parched, their heads swimming. Hong Qigong said, “If only that girl disciple of mine were here. She’s so clever and quick, she’d be sure to find some way of dealing with Old Venom. All we two can do is stare and drool.” Guo Jing sighed.

They held out until it was nearly the hour of Wu.⁷ The sun was at its fiercest when suddenly two white specks appeared far away. Guo Jing took them for clouds and paid them no mind, but the white specks came on fast, growing bigger and bigger and crying shrilly. They were two white eagles.

Guo Jing was overjoyed. He summoned his neili⁸ and gave long whistle after long whistle. The two white eagles flew over the ship, circled twice and swooped down onto Guo Jing’s shoulders. They were the very birds of prey he had raised and tamed in the desert. Guo Jing said happily, “Shifu, could Rong-er have taken a ship out to sea too?” Hong Qigong said, “That would be splendid. Pity the eagles are too small to carry the two of us. We’re trapped here with nothing to be done, so send for her quickly and let her think of something.”

Guo Jing drew his golden dao⁹ and cut two pieces of sailcloth, each half a foot square. With the point of the dao he scratched the words “In danger” on the cloth, and in the bottom corner the outline of a gourd. He tied a piece to each eagle’s leg and said to them, “Fly back as fast as you can, and bring Miss Rong here.” The two white eagles nestled against him for a while, then gave a long cry together, beat their wings and soared up. They circled once in the sky and vanished westwards into the clouds.

Less than one shichen after the eagles departed, Ouyang Feng laid out another spread of food and wine beneath the mast, tempting Hong Qigong and Guo Jing to climb down. Hong Qigong said angrily, “What the old beggar loves best is eating and drinking, and Old Venom has picked on just that to torment me. All my life I’ve trained in nothing but waigong,¹⁰ and when it comes to holding out against wine and food, I’m a little short of willpower. Jing-er, what do you say we go down, beat them black and blue and then come back up?” Guo Jing said, “Now that the white eagles have taken the message, things are bound to change. Please wait a little longer.”

Hong Qigong laughed. After a pause he said, “Do you know what the worst-tasting thing in the world is?” Guo Jing said, “I don’t. What?” Hong Qigong said, “Once I went to the bitter cold lands of the far north and starved for eight days in the snow. Squirrels I couldn’t find, of course, and in the end I couldn’t even find tree bark. I was clawing and digging in the snow and mud when all of a sudden I dug up five living things. Luckily for the old beggar, those five things saved his life and kept him going one more day. The next day I caught a weasel and had a good feed.” Guo Jing said, “What were those five things?” Hong Qigong said, “Earthworms. Fat ones. I swallowed them alive and didn’t dare chew.” Guo Jing pictured the wriggling of earthworms and felt a wave of nausea.

Hong Qigong roared with laughter and proceeded to name the foulest, filthiest things he could think of, to ward off the scent of wine and meat. At last he said, “Jing-er, if there were earthworms here now, I’d eat them too. But there’s one thing so filthy and foul that the old beggar would sooner eat his own toes than touch it. What do you think it is?” Guo Jing laughed, “I know, smelly shit!” Hong Qigong shook his head. “Filthier still.” Guo Jing guessed several things, and none of them was right. Then Hong Qigong said loudly, “I’ll tell you. The filthiest thing in the world is the rotten flesh on the Western Venom Ouyang Feng’s body.” Guo Jing burst out laughing and cried, “Right, right!”

By evening they could hold out no longer. Guo Jing slipped down the mast, swung his golden dao and lopped off the heads of two vipers. The other snakes smelt the medicine on him and slithered out of his way. Guo Jing went after them and killed two more, then climbed back up the mast with the four headless snakes. He and Hong Qigong tore off the skins and chewed the raw flesh, and found it surprisingly good. Ouyang Ke, standing among the snakes, called up with a smile, “Uncle Hong, House Brother¹¹ Guo, my uncle only wishes House Brother Guo to write out the Nine Yin Manual¹² for him to read. He has no other intention.” Hong Qigong swore angrily under his breath, “Whoreson, he means nothing but harm!” In the midst of his anger a bold idea suddenly came to him. Without letting it show on his face, he shouted down in a ringing voice, “Little thief’s whelp, I’ve fallen for your dog of an uncle’s trick, and I admit I’m beaten. Hurry up and bring us wine and meat. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Ouyang Ke was delighted, knowing the old beggar’s word was as good as his bond, and at once withdrew the snake formation.

Hong Qigong and Guo Jing slid down the mast and entered the cabin. Ouyang Ke had servants prepare a fine meal and bring it in. Hong Qigong shut the cabin door, gulped down half a pot of wine, tore off half a chicken and set his teeth in it. Guo Jing said in a low voice, “Isn’t there poison in it this time?” Hong Qigong said, “Silly boy, the bastard wants you to write out the manual for him, so how could he want you dead? Eat till you’re full. I have another plan.” Guo Jing thought he was right, and he shovelled down four big bowls of rice at a stretch.

When Hong Qigong had drunk deep and eaten his fill, he wiped the grease from his mouth with his sleeve and put his lips to Guo Jing’s ear. “Old Venom wants the Nine Yin Manual. You write him a false Nine Yin Manual.” Guo Jing did not understand. He asked under his breath, “A false Nine Yin Manual?” Hong Qigong chuckled. “That’s right. Who knows what the Nine Yin Manual really says? Write it any way you please. Huang Yaoshi may have the real manual, but he would never lend it to him to check against. His nephew may be able to recite the first few lines of the lower volume, so don’t get those wrong. When he sees the beginning is right, he’ll think the rest must be right too, and that’s just where you jumble the text up any old how. Get him to train by it, and in a hundred years all he’ll have to show for it is a fart!” Guo Jing was tickled. He thought, That’s a nasty one. Old Venom is going to be well and truly taken in. But on second thoughts he said, “Ouyang Feng’s martial learning runs deep, and he’s sharp and cunning. If I just write any old rubbish, he’s sure to see through it. What then?”

Hong Qigong said, “You have to write it so it looks right and isn’t. Three true sentences with half a false one mixed in. Whenever you come to the secrets of training, add a bit for him here and take a bit away there. Where the manual says one, you change it to nine, and where it says nine, to one. Two becomes eight, three becomes seven, four becomes six, five becomes ten, and the other way round as well. Clever as Old Venom is, he’ll never spot it. I’d go without wine and food for seven days and seven nights just to see Old Venom training from a false Nine Yin Manual.” At this he could not help chuckling. Guo Jing laughed. “If he trains from the false manual, he won’t just waste his time and get nothing for his pains. He might well do himself harm.” Hong Qigong laughed. “Quick, think hard about how to doctor it. If he gets the faintest suspicion, the whole thing’s done for.” He added, “That little beast Ouyang Ke read the first few pages of the lower volume on Peach Blossom Island and may still remember them, so don’t change those much. But if you slip in a few wrong characters, I doubt the little beast will know the difference.”

Guo Jing went over the text of the manual in silence, working out where he could turn black into white and muddle right and wrong, where he could turn stillness into motion and move up to down. It was not that he had to compose anything himself. He had only to follow the knack his shifu had given him and jumble the text. Up became down and down became up, front became back and back became front, chest became belly, hand became foot, sky became earth. Because he changed everything by the same pattern, he would not go wrong even if he had to write it out a second time. Where the manual said “palms facing the sky”, he could change it to “soles facing the sky”. “Feet planted on solid ground” could just as well become “hands planted on solid ground”, and where the manual said “the qi gathers in the dantian”,¹³ he could very well make it “the qi gathers in the chest”. When he hit on the best of these, he could not help heaving a long sigh. He thought, Rong-er and Big Brother Zhou both love a trick like this. What a pity one is parted from me and the other dead. Rong-er and I will meet again some day, but Big Brother Zhou will never hear about this mischief of mine.

The next morning Hong Qigong said loudly to Ouyang Ke, “The old beggar’s martial arts are a school of their own. Put the Nine Yin Manual right in front of me and I wouldn’t deign to give it a glance. It’s only a good-for-nothing knave whose own martial arts are no good who goes panting after stealing some true gold or true silver. When Wang Chongyang and Huang Yaoshi got hold of the manual in their day, did either of them ever train in its arts? Whether a man amounts to anything, whether he’s a true hero and a brave man, that’s where the difference lies. Tell that dog of an uncle of yours we’ll write out the manual for him. Let him shut himself away and train hard, and when he’s mastered it, come and fight the old beggar. The manual is a fine thing, of course, but I just don’t think much of it. Let’s see whether he can do anything to the old beggar once he has it. If he spends his time training in the martial arts of the Nine Yin Manual, his own school’s martial arts are bound to go to seed. Add one, take one away, and in the end won’t he still be no better and no worse than the old beggar? That’s what they call dropping your trousers to fart. A wasted effort.”

Ouyang Feng was standing beside the cabin door and heard every word clearly. He was delighted. He thought, The old beggar has always been proud, and I was right about him. That is exactly why he has agreed to give me the manual. Otherwise, as stubborn as he is, ready to die rather than yield, he could hold out on raw snake however deadly my snakes and however empty his belly, and it would be hard to force him to give in.

Ouyang Ke said, “Uncle Hong, you are wrong there! My uncle’s martial arts have already reached perfection. Even with skill like yours, Uncle Hong, you can’t win so much as a single move against him, so why should he need to learn from the Nine Yin Manual? My uncle often says to me that he is quite sure the Nine Yin Manual has a name it never earned, a hollow fame that dazzles the crowd and fools people. Otherwise, when Wang Chongyang got hold of the Nine Yin Manual all those years ago, why did he never display any martial arts to astound the world?

“My uncle has vowed to expose the manual’s falsehoods and exaggerations, so that every martial artist in the world may know the truth, that the manual is famous but hollow, full of errors, not worth risking lives to seize. Is that not a great service to the wulin?”¹⁴

Hong Qigong roared with laughter. “What a load of hot air! Jing-er, write out the text from memory and let him see it. If Old Venom can really point out even one or two errors in the Nine Yin Manual, the old beggar will kowtow to him.”

Guo Jing answered and went out. Ouyang Ke took him to the main cabin and brought out paper and brush, and stood beside him grinding the ink himself while he wrote the text out from memory.

Footnotes

1. 莲花落 — liánhuālào. Literally lotus falls. A traditional ballad sung by beggars asking for alms. ↩

2. 师父 — shīfù. Teacher responsible for technical instruction and moral guidance. Shī means teacher. Fù means father. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

3. 火折子 — huǒzhézi. A tinder tube: rolled paper or fibre treated with saltpetre, kept smouldering in a tube and revived with a puff of breath. ↩

4. 岛主 — dǎozhǔ. Literally island master. ↩

5. 时辰 — shíchén. Traditional Chinese unit of time equal to two hours; the day was divided into twelve shichen. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

6. 帮主 — bāngzhǔ. Literally guild master. The head of a guild. ↩

7. 午时 — wǔshí. The hour of Wu, about 11 a.m. to 1 p.m., the seventh of the twelve shichen. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

8. 内力 — nèilì. Literally internal force. The kinetic manifestation of cultivated qi. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

9. 刀 — dāo. A single-edged blade, usually curved and broad. ↩

10. 外功 — wàigōng. Literally external skill. The physical arts of combat, as distinct from neigong. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

11. 世兄 — shìxiōng. Literally elder brother of the family line. A courtesy address for the son of a family friend or of an allied house. ↩

12. 九阴真经 — Jiǔyīn Zhēnjīng. Literally true scripture of the nine yin. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

13. 丹田 — dāntián. Literally cinnabar field. The primary energy centre below the navel in internal cultivation. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

14. 武林 — wǔlín. Literally martial forest. Those who actually practise, teach or study martial arts. The wulin sits inside the jianghu and is narrower than it: every member of the wulin belongs to the jianghu, but a pedlar or physician of the jianghu who never trained is no part of the wulin. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩