The Legend of the Condor Heroes Chapter 24 – Part 6

The two of them stood back to back, both addressing the Kitchen God,¹ but each answered the other point for point, and the more they said, the worse it got. Cheng Yaojia wanted to make peace between them, but both were young and hot-blooded, quick of temper and quicker of tongue, and she could not get a word in.

Then Yin Zhiping said, “Kitchen God, the martial arts of the Quanzhen School are the true orthodox line of all martial arts under heaven. The skills of the side doors and crooked paths, however remarkable, how can they ever measure up to Quanzhen?”

Lu Guanying said, “Kitchen God, I’ve long heard of the martial arts of the Quanzhen School, and no doubt there are plenty of masters in the Quanzhen Order. But that’s not to say it has no arrogant braggarts.”

Yin Zhiping flew into a rage. He struck out with his palm and knocked down a corner of the stove, glared and shouted, “Why, you young pup, that’s an insult.”

With a crash, Lu Guanying’s palm knocked down the other corner of the stove. “Would I dare insult you?” he shouted. “I’m insulting the arrogant fools who think no one else exists.”

Yin Zhiping had seen his martial arts earlier and knew they were no match for his own, so he had nothing to fear. He gave a cold laugh. “All right, let’s try a few moves, and we’ll see who it is that thinks no one else exists.”

Lu Guanying knew perfectly well he was no match for him, but he resented the slight to his shimen, and having come this far, he was riding the tiger and could not get off. He drew his single dao, raised his left hand in salute and said, “Let me learn something from the Quanzhen School’s great skills.”

Cheng Yaojia was frantic, the tears welling and brimming in her eyes. Several times she wanted to step in and stop them, but she could never find the nerve.

Yin Zhiping raised his whisk and stepped in to attack, and at once the two of them were fighting. Lu Guanying aimed not to win but only to avoid a mistake. He brought out the Arhat Bladework² that Chan Master Kumu had taught him and kept his guard shut tight.

Yin Zhiping went on the attack from the very first move, only to find that his opponent’s dao was heavy and his strength fierce. He had been too contemptuous and pressed in too rashly, and his left arm was very nearly cut. With a start, he gathered himself and fought in earnest. He brought out the inner method his shifu had taught him, his mind steady and his spirit at ease, his feet slow and his hands quick, and only then did he gradually gain the upper hand.

Under his father’s teaching this past month, Lu Guanying had come on by leaps and bounds, but the time had been too short, and he was no match for a chosen disciple of the Changchunzi.

Huang Rong watched them fight in the little mirror, and when she saw Yin Zhiping gradually getting the better of it, she cursed him in her heart, thinking, You little Daoist mongrel, insulting my father. If Jing gege weren’t hurt, I’d give you a taste of Peach Blossom Island’s side doors and crooked paths. Oh no!

Lu Guanying had swung a cut with his dao, but he had put too much into it, and Yin Zhiping’s whisk drew it aside, then turned round and, quick as lightning, jabbed the handle into the crook of his elbow. Lu Guanying’s arm went numb, and the dao flew from his hand.

Yin Zhiping gave no quarter. He swept the whisk at his face with a swish, crying, “That’s one of the Quanzhen School’s great skills. Remember it!”

The tail of his whisk was horsehair woven with silver wire, and if the stroke landed, Lu Guanying’s face would be running with blood.

Lu Guanying ducked his head to dodge, but the whisk came pressing down after him. Then a sweet voice cried, “Shige Yin!” Cheng Yaojia had raised her jian and caught the stroke. Lu Guanying seized the chance to leap away and picked up his dao from the floor.

Yin Zhiping gave a cold laugh. “Well, well. Shimei Cheng is taking an outsider’s side. Come on, then, the pair of you lovebirds together.”

Cheng Yaojia flushed crimson. “You… you…”

Swish, swish, swish, Yin Zhiping made three quick moves in a row and had her flailing. Seeing her in danger, Lu Guanying came at him again with his dao, and at once it was two against one. But Cheng Yaojia did not want to fight her own shixiong, and she lowered her jian and leapt away.

Yin Zhiping called, “Come on, he can’t beat me on his own, and this saves you having to jump in again in a minute.”

Huang Rong found the three of them fighting like this very funny, and was wondering how the whole case would end when there was a sound at the door and Peng Lianhu, Sha Tongtian and the rest came crowding in with Wanyan Honglie and Yang Kang. They had waited a long time, and in the end Sha Tongtian, anxious for his fellow disciple, had plucked up his courage and crept over for a look. He had seen two people fighting in the inn, neither of them more than middling. He had watched a good while and made sure there was no one else, but alone he still dared not go in, so he had gathered the others and they had burst in together.

The moment they saw people coming in, Yin Zhiping and Lu Guanying sprang apart and stopped fighting. Before they could challenge them, Sha Tongtian had flashed forward, his hands shooting out to either side, and seized both of them by the wrist. Peng Lianhu bent down and untied Hou Tonghai’s hands.

Hou Tonghai had been bottled up half the day and was half dead with rage. Without waiting to pull the cloth from his mouth, he growled in his throat and chopped at Cheng Yaojia’s face with palm after palm. Cheng Yaojia stepped round them. His face swollen and purple, Hou Tonghai pounded at her with both fists, straight up and straight down.

Peng Lianhu kept shouting, “Hold off. Let’s find out who they are first.” But Hou Tonghai’s mouth and ears were still stuffed with cloth. How could he hear?

Sha Tongtian had Lu Guanying by the pulse gate of his wrist, and half his body had gone numb and would not move. But seeing Cheng Yaojia in danger, with Hou Tonghai like a mad tiger and about to do her some terrible harm, a great strength came to him from who knew where. With one wrench he tore free of Sha Tongtian’s grip and leapt at Hou Tonghai.

Before he got there, Peng Lianhu hooked his leg with a sweeping kick, and he fell flat on his face. Peng Lianhu took him by the back of the collar, hauled him up and barked, “Who are you? Where’s that fellow who was playing ghost?”

Then the shop door creaked and slowly swung open. Everyone turned, but no one came in. Despite themselves, Peng Lianhu and the rest felt a chill at heart. Then a woman with tangled, unbound hair peeped in at the doorway.

Liang Ziweng and Venerable Lingzhi leapt to their feet and cried together, “No, a female ghost!”

But Peng Lianhu could see it was only an ordinary village girl. “Come in!” he barked.

Silly Girl³ walked in with a grin, stuck out her tongue and said, “My, so many people.”

Liang Ziweng had cried “a female ghost” a moment ago, and now he saw that she was a poor country girl in rags, with a simple-minded look about her. His embarrassment turned to fury. He sprang at her, crying, “Who are you?”, and reached out to seize her arm.

But Silly Girl whipped her arm back and struck with a backhanded palm, a move of the Azure Wave Palm⁴ of Peach Blossom Island. She had not learned it well, but the technique itself was very subtle, and Liang Ziweng was quite unprepared. With a smack the blow landed full on the back of his hand, and it was no light one.

Liang Ziweng was astonished and furious. “So, you’re only playing simple!” He closed in and struck with both fists at once. Silly Girl stepped back out of the way, then suddenly pointed at Liang Ziweng’s bald head and roared with laughter.

No one had expected that laugh, and Liang Ziweng least of all. He stood dumbfounded for a moment before he drove his right fist at her. Silly Girl threw up her arm to block, and swayed on her feet. Knowing she was no match for him, she turned and ran.

Liang Ziweng was not going to let her get away. He stepped out with his left leg to bar her way, drove his elbow back and swung his fist round, and Silly Girl took a blow on the nose that made stars dance before her eyes. She howled, “Watermelon little sister, come out quick and save me, someone’s hitting me.”

Huang Rong was aghast, and thought, I should have killed that silly girl. Leaving her alive was asking for trouble. Then she heard someone give a soft snort. Soft as it was, her heart leapt, and she thought, overjoyed, Father’s here! She quickly put her eye to the little hole, and there indeed stood Huang Yaoshi in the doorway, his face covered by a mask of human skin.

No one had seen him come in. He seemed to have only just arrived, and yet he seemed to have been in the room before any of them. One look at that wooden, unmoving face without a flicker of expression, and every one of them felt a chill run through his whole body. It was no green-faced, fanged demon’s face, and there was nothing grotesque about it, but it was simply not the face of a living man.

Silly Girl had traded only three moves with Liang Ziweng, but Huang Yaoshi had already seen that she was a disciple of his own school, and he was puzzled. He asked, “Miss, who is your shifu? Where has he gone?”

Silly Girl shook her head. She stared at Huang Yaoshi’s strange face, paused, then suddenly clapped her hands and burst out laughing.

Huang Yaoshi frowned slightly. If she was not a disciple of one of his disciples, he reasoned, she must have some close tie with his school. He was fiercely protective of his own and would never let anyone bully a disciple of his school. Mei Chaofeng had committed the great crime of betraying her shifu, yet the moment she was beaten by Guo Jing, he had come out to shield her. How much more, then, this innocent, guileless girl?

“Silly child,” he said, “someone has hit you. Why don’t you hit him back?”

A few days earlier, when Huang Yaoshi had boarded the ship to ask after his daughter, he had not been wearing the mask, and with his face now changed, none of them recognised him. But at the sound of his voice, Wanyan Honglie, Yang Kang and Peng Lianhu had begun to guess who he was. Peng Lianhu knew that no good could come of crossing this fiend, and fearing that it was this very man they had met in the palace the night before, he made up his mind not to fight him on any account. At the first chance he would take the best of the thirty-six stratagems, and run.

Silly Girl said, “I can’t beat him.”

Huang Yaoshi said, “Who says you can’t? He hit you on the nose, so you hit him on the nose. Three punches for one.”

Silly Girl laughed. “All right!” Never stopping to think that Liang Ziweng was far better than she was, she walked up to him and said, “You hit me on the nose, so I hit you on the nose. Three punches for one.” And she aimed a punch straight at his nose.

Liang Ziweng put up his hand to block, but suddenly the Quchi⁵ acupoint in the crook of his elbow went numb, and his arm stopped halfway and would go no further. Thump, a punch landed on his nose, just as she had said.

“Two!” cried Silly Girl, and punched again.

Liang Ziweng sank his hips, lifted his back and hollowed his chest, and turned his left hand flat and outwards, a masterly grappling move that would have wrenched Silly Girl’s arm from its socket. But just as his fingers were about to touch her arm, the Binao⁶ acupoint in his upper arm went weak and numb, the hand would not turn, and thump, another punch landed on his nose. It was a heavy one, and it knocked him back on his heels, swaying.

Liang Ziweng was beside himself with shock and rage, and the onlookers were all astonished. Only Peng Lianhu, who was expert at hearing hidden weapons in flight, had both times caught a very faint hiss as Liang Ziweng tried to parry, and knew that Huang Yaoshi had loosed golden needles or some such tiny missiles at Liang Ziweng’s acupoints. But he had not seen his arm move or his hand stir, so how had he loosed them?

He could not know that Huang Yaoshi was flicking the needles from his fingers inside his sleeve, so that they pierced the sleeve before they struck. They came without shadow or trace, there in an instant. How could anyone dodge them?

“Three!” cried Silly Girl. Liang Ziweng’s arms would no longer obey him, and with the fist coming straight at his face, all he could do was step back out of the way. But as he went to lift his foot, the Baihai⁷ acupoint on the inside of his right leg went numb. The next moment sparks were flying before his eyes and his eyes were stinging as if he would weep. The punch had landed square on his nose and set off the points of his tear ducts.

Losing a fight, he thought, was no great matter, but if he shed tears, his whole life’s reputation would be gone. He hastily raised his sleeve to wipe his eyes, and only as he went to lift his arm did he remember that it would not move, and two lines of tears ran down his cheeks at last.

Seeing his tears, Silly Girl said quickly, “Don’t cry. You don’t have to be scared. I won’t hit you any more.”

Those three sentences of comfort shamed Liang Ziweng more than the three punches on the nose, so that he wished the earth would swallow him. In his fury he spat out a mouthful of blood with a gasp, and looked up at Huang Yaoshi. “Who are you, sir? What kind of hero, what kind of brave man, hurts people by stealth?”

Huang Yaoshi gave a cold laugh. “Are you fit to ask my name?” Then, raising his voice suddenly, he bellowed, “The lot of you, get out!”

The rest of them had long since been ill at ease in every bone of their bodies, their hearts in their mouths, standing stock-still in the hall with no idea how it would end, and at his shout they felt a great relief.

Peng Lianhu was the first to make for the door, but he had taken only two steps when he saw Huang Yaoshi standing in the doorway with no sign of making way, and he stopped.

Huang Yaoshi swore at them. “I let you go, and you don’t go. Do you want me to butcher you one by one?”

Peng Lianhu had long heard that Huang Yaoshi was a strange, perverse man who did whatever he said he would. He said to the others, “Our Senior here tells us all to leave. Let’s go.”

By now Hou Tonghai had pulled the cloth from his mouth. “Get out of my way!” he cursed, and charged up to Huang Yaoshi, glaring.

Huang Yaoshi paid him no attention, but said coolly, “Make way for you? I hardly think you’re worth it. Whoever wants to live can crawl out between my legs.”

They looked at one another, anger in every face, and thought, However good you are, there are this many masters of the wulin here, and if we all fight you together, it’s not certain we’ll lose.

Hou Tonghai roared and hurled himself at Huang Yaoshi.

A cold laugh. Huang Yaoshi’s left hand had already seized Hou Tonghai and lifted him high. His right hand grasped the man’s left arm and pulled outward. With a crack, he tore the arm clean in two, flesh and bone, ripped apart by brute force. He flung the severed arm and the man to the ground together, raised his head to the sky, and paid no further heed. Hou Tonghai had fainted from the pain. Blood gushed from the stump. Every face in the room went white.

Huang Yaoshi turned his head slowly. His gaze swept across each face in turn.

Sha Tongtian, Peng Lianhu and the rest were all fiends who would kill without blinking an eye, yet as Huang Yaoshi’s gaze moved towards them, each of them shivered. Suddenly he barked, “Well? Are you crawling or not?”

Cowed by his presence, they did not dare attack him together. Peng Lianhu lowered his head and was the first to crawl between his legs. Sha Tongtian let go of Yin Zhiping and Lu Guanying and took his shidi⁸ in his arms. Yang Kang helped Wanyan Honglie along, and last of all came Liang Ziweng and Venerable Lingzhi, each in turn crawling out between Huang Yaoshi’s legs.

Once out of the door, they all ran for it, heads down like rats, and who would dare look back?

Footnotes

1. 灶王爷 — Zàowángyé. The Kitchen God, deity of the household stove, who reports on each family to Heaven at the end of the year. ↩

2. 罗汉刀法 — Luóhàn Dāofǎ. Literally arhat dao method. The dao art Lu Guanying learned from Great Master Kumu. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

3. 傻姑 — Shǎgū. Literally silly girl. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

4. 碧波掌法 — Bìbō Zhǎngfǎ. Basic Peach Blossom Island palm technique containing fundamental principles. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

5. 曲池穴 — Qū Chí Xué. Literally crooked pool. An acupoint at the outer end of the elbow crease. ↩

6. 臂臑 — Bìnào. An acupoint on the outer upper arm, on the Large Intestine meridian. The source writes 臂儒. ↩

7. 白海 — Báihǎi. An acupoint on the inside of the leg. ↩

8. 师弟 — shīdì. Male junior. Both apprenticed to the same shifu. Shī means teacher. Dì means younger brother. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩