The Heavenly Sword & the Dragon Sabre – Chapter 19: Disaster Brews Within, the Golden Fortress Falls

Disaster brews within, the golden fortress falls¹

Cannot Tell carried Zhang Wuji soaring through the air once more when suddenly a voice drifted from far away, “Cannot Tell, why are you only arriving now?” The man bearing Zhang Wuji replied, “Ran into a small matter on the road. Has Wei Yixiao arrived yet?” The distant voice answered, “Haven’t seen him! How strange. Even he would be late. Cannot Tell, have you spotted him?” As he spoke, he drew nearer.

Zhang Wuji was privately puzzled: So this man is called ‘Cannot Tell.’ Why would anyone take such an odd name? He reflected further: So he and Wei Yixiao had agreed to meet here. I wonder if Zhu’er is safe? He’s Wei Yixiao’s close friend. I wonder how they mean to deal with me?

He heard Cannot Tell say, “Fellow Daoist Iron Crown, let’s go find Brother Wei. I’m afraid something’s gone wrong.” The Iron Crown Adept replied, “The Blue-Winged Bat King is sharp-witted and clever, his martial arts superb. What trouble could he be in?” Cannot Tell said, “I just have a bad feeling, that’s all.”

Suddenly a voice floated up from the valley below, “Cannot Tell, you stinking monk! Iron Crown, you old mangy Daoist! Come lend a hand. Things are in terrible shape, terrible shape indeed!”

Cannot Tell and the Iron Crown Adept both exclaimed in alarm, “It’s Zhou Dian! What’s gone wrong for him?” Cannot Tell added, “He sounds as though he’s been hurt. Why is his voice so weak?” Without waiting for the Iron Crown Adept to respond, he leapt downward with Zhang Wuji on his back. The Iron Crown Adept followed close behind and suddenly cried, “Ah! Zhou Dian is carrying someone. It’s Wei Yixiao!”

Cannot Tell shouted, “Zhou Dian, don’t panic, we’re coming to help!” Zhou Dian yelled back, “Panicking my arse! Why would I panic? It’s the Bloodsucking Bat whose life is about to end!” Cannot Tell asked in alarm, “What happened to Brother Wei? What injury did he sustain?” With that, he quickened his pace.

Zhang Wuji, sealed inside the bag, felt as though he were riding clouds and mist. He could not help but whisper, “Senior, please set me down for now. Saving lives comes first.” Cannot Tell suddenly hoisted the bag and spun it three circles in the air. Zhang Wuji was greatly startled. If the man’s grip slipped and he flung the bag away, the consequences would be unthinkable.

Cannot Tell lowered his voice and said, “Listen, boy. I am ‘the Cloth Bag Monk Cannot Tell.’ The man behind you is the Iron Crown Adept Zhang Zhong. The one shouting below is Zhou Dian. The three of us, together with Cold-Faced Gentleman Leng Qian and Peng the Monk Peng Yingyu, are the Five Unbound Adepts of the Ming Order. Do you know the Ming Order?” Zhang Wuji said, “I do. So you are of the Ming Order as well, Great Master.”

Cannot Tell said, “Leng Qian and I don’t much care for killing people. But the Iron Crown Adept, Zhou Dian, and Monk Peng, they’ve never so much as blinked at taking a life. If they discover you’re hiding in my Universe Qi Bag,² they’ll casually squash you into a ball of minced meat.” Zhang Wuji said, “I’ve done nothing to offend your Order, so why…” Cannot Tell cut him off, “The Iron Crown Adept and the others don’t ask whether you’ve offended them before they kill. From now on, if you want to stay alive in my bag, you won’t say another word. Understand?” Zhang Wuji nodded. Cannot Tell asked, “Why don’t you answer?” Zhang Wuji said, “You won’t let me say a word, so I’ll just nod.” Cannot Tell smiled faintly. “Good that you understand… ah, what’s happened to Brother Wei?”

That last question was addressed to Zhou Dian. They heard him rasp, “It’s… it’s… the worst of the worst, the direst of the dire.”³ Cannot Tell said, “Hmm, Brother Wei still has a trace of warmth at his heart. Zhou Dian, did you rescue him?” Zhou Dian said, “Obviously, who else would rescue him? Would a dead bat rescue me?” The Iron Crown Adept asked, “Zhou Dian, what injury have you sustained?”

Zhou Dian said, “I found the Bloodsucking Bat frozen stiff by the roadside, so cold he’d nearly lost his last breath. Against my better judgement, I played the bandit with a conscience and lent him my zhenqi to keep him going. Little did I know the yin poison on the Bloodsucking Bat’s body was truly vicious. That’s the whole sorry tale.”

Cannot Tell said, “Zhou Dian, this time you’ve genuinely done a good deed.” Zhou Dian said, “Good deed, bad deed. The Bloodsucking Bat is dark and strange by nature, and I’ve always found him the most disagreeable fellow. But this one thing he did suited Zhou Dian’s taste, so Zhou Dian went and saved him. Who knew that instead of saving the Bloodsucking Bat, the cold poison would invade my own body and cost me Zhou Dian’s old life in the bargain?” The Iron Crown Adept asked in alarm, “You’re hurt that badly?” Zhou Dian said, “Karma, karma. The Bloodsucking Bat and Zhou Dian have never done a good deed in their lives. Who knew that the moment we tried, disaster would strike?” Cannot Tell asked, “What good deed did Brother Wei do?”

Zhou Dian said, “He stirred up his internal poison to trigger a cold attack. All he needed to suppress it was to drink human blood. There was a perfectly live young girl right beside him, yet he’d rather die than drain her blood. When Zhou Dian saw this, I said to myself, ‘Ah, this won’t do, if the Bloodsucking Bat is going against his nature, then Zhou Dian will have to go against his nature and save him.’”

Zhang Wuji, hearing that Wei Yixiao had not drunk Zhu’er’s blood, was overwhelmed with relief. Cannot Tell reached back and patted the outside of the bag, asking, “Who is that young girl?” Zhou Dian said, “I asked the Bloodsucking Bat the same question. He said she’s the granddaughter of the Old Man with the White Shoulders. He said the Ming Order faces disaster now and everyone must unite. Therefore he absolutely could not drink her blood.” Cannot Tell and the Iron Crown Adept both clapped their hands in approval, saying, “Quite right. When the White Eagle and the Green Bat join forces, the Ming Order’s power swells enormously.”

Cannot Tell took Wei Yixiao’s body from Zhou Dian and exclaimed, “He’s ice-cold all over. What do we do?” Zhou Dian said, “Yes, isn’t it? I say you’re all celebrating too soon. The Bloodsucking Bat’s life is nine-tenths gone. What good is a dead bat joining hands with the White-Browed Eagle King for the Ming Order?” The Iron Crown Adept said, “You wait here. I’ll go down the mountain and find a living person for Brother Wei to drink his fill.” With that, he leapt up, ready to descend.

Zhou Dian called out, “Hold on! Iron Crown, you mangy Daoist, this place is desolate wilderness. By the time you find someone, Wei Yixiao will have become Wei No-Laugh.⁴ A corpse that laughs, now that would be terrifying. Cannot Tell, take that boy out of your bag and let Brother Wei drink from him.” Zhang Wuji was startled: So they’ve known all along that I’m hiding in the bag.

Cannot Tell said, “No! This person has done our Order a great favour. If Brother Wei drinks him, the Five Banners will fight him to the death.” He then briefly recounted how Zhang Wuji had willingly endured three palm strikes from Miejue Shitai⁵ to save dozens of men from the Metal and Wood Banners, adding, “After that, didn’t the Five Banners swear undying loyalty to this young man?”

The Iron Crown Adept asked, “You’ve got him stuffed in a bag, hoarding a prize, planning to bring the Five Banners to heel?”

Cannot Tell said, “Can’t say, can’t say! The long and short of it is, our Order is torn apart, and disaster looms. The Tianying Order has come from afar to help, only to settle old scores with the Five Banners. They’ve fought themselves to bloody ruin. We must stand united or face annihilation. The man in this bag can help unite the Order’s various factions. That much is certain.”

As he spoke, he pressed his right palm against the Lingtai⁶ acupoint on Wei Yixiao’s back and channelled zhenqi to help him resist the cold poison. Zhou Dian sighed, “Cannot Tell, you’d give your life for a friend, no arguing with that. But take care of your own life.” The Iron Crown Adept said, “I’ll lend a hand too.” He joined his right palm with Cannot Tell’s left. Two streams of internal force surged simultaneously into Wei Yixiao’s body.

After the time it takes to eat a meal, Wei Yixiao gave a low moan and regained consciousness. His teeth still chattered ceaselessly. Clearly he was freezing terribly. He said in a trembling voice, “Zhou Dian, Fellow Daoist Iron Crown, thank you both for saving me.” He did not thank Cannot Tell. The two shared a bond forged in mortal danger, and words of gratitude would have been superfluous. The Iron Crown Adept’s cultivation ran deep, but the yin poison from Wei Yixiao’s body forced its way toward him, and he struggled to resist it, unable to speak for a time. Cannot Tell was in the same state.

Suddenly, from the eastern peaks came the crisp zheng-zheng-zheng of a qin, woven through with a clear whistle. Zhou Dian said, “Cold-Face and Monk Peng are searching this way.” He raised his voice and called, “Cold-Faced Gentleman, Monk Peng, someone’s hurt. Come rolling over here at once!” From the distance, the qin twanged once, zheng, signalling that it had heard.

But Peng the Monk called back, “Who… is… hurt…?” His voice echoed from far away, reverberating through the valley. Then he asked again, “Who exactly is hurt? Is Cannot Tell all right? What about Brother Iron Crown? Zhou Dian, why does your voice sound so weak?” With each question he leapt scores of feet closer. By the time he finished asking, he had arrived. He exclaimed, “Aiya, it’s Wei Yixiao who’s hurt!” Zhou Dian said, “You’re always flustered, borrowing trouble before it arrives. Brother Cold-Face, think of something.” That last remark was addressed to Cold-Faced Gentleman Leng Qian.

Footnotes

1. 祸起萧墙破金汤 – Huò qǐ xiāoqiáng pò jīntāng. Chapter title. Lit. “Disaster rises inside the screen wall and breaks walls of metal and a moat of boiling water.” 祸起萧墙 (from the Analects) is trouble from within one’s own house; 金汤 is an impregnable fortress. ↩

2. 乾坤一气袋 – Qiánkūn Yī Qì Dài. Literally universe qi bag. Cannot Tell’s signature weapon – a strange bag woven from an unknown material, neither silk nor leather nor cotton, that is impervious to blades and can trap opponents inside. Name references qiánkūn (heaven and earth), evoking the cosmic containment of all things. ↩

3. 糟之透顶，糕之极矣 – zāo zhī tòu dǐng, gāo zhī jí yǐ. Literally the worst of the worst, the direst of the dire. Characteristically absurd Zhou Dian-ism, splitting the word for “terrible” (糟糕) across two parallel clauses, each topped with a superlative. Humour is untranslatable – he is being both melodramatic and ridiculous in the same breath. ↩

4. 韦不笑 – Wéi Bù Xiào. Zhou Dian’s joke: Wei Yixiao’s name contains 笑 (laugh), so if he dies he becomes Wei Bu-Xiao – “Wei No-Laugh”. A grim pun typical of Zhou Dian’s gallows humour. ↩

5. 灭绝师太 – Mièjué Shītài. Her dharma-name, meaning “Extinction” or “Annihilation”. Zhangmen of the Emei Order. 师太 (shītài) is an honorific for a senior Buddhist nun. See Wuxia Wiki. ↩

6. 灵台穴 – Língtái xué. Lingtai acupoint, on the spine between the shoulder blades; a strike here reaches the heart. ↩